Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Misplaced Obsessiveness



What I'm listening to: Plumb's Beautiful Lumps of Coal

So I'm innocently shopping at my hometown Hobby Lobby - a little against protest, not because I hate the store, but because the last 7 days of my life were overtaken by a scrapbook my mother I insisted I make for my grandmother. (Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to do it for my grandmother, it's the "in 10 days" part I have trouble with, as her surprise 90th b-day party is this Sunday.) Anyway, I'm innocently looking for the paper I need, I turn with my cart around the corner and I see her. This annoying girl I used to be friends with awhile back. She studiously ignores me, as I equally studiously ignore her. But what happens? Tons and tons of stupid thoughts run through my head - thoughts that remind me of how good women are at obsessing about the relationships in their lives.

This girl was truly annoying. Looking back, I have no idea why I was friends with her. She had the most negative attitude I'd ever seen. Never once did I eat a meal with her where she didn't feel compelled to rattle on endlessly about someone, something in her life irritated her. I'm not an overly positive person - ask anyone who knows me - I'm moody as Simon Cowell during PMS week, I really am. I'm outgoing, yes, but completely introverted in every other way and most of the time, just want to sit home and hang out with my best friend of something. So truly, I have no regrets about the way our friendship ended. She used to call me once a week, usually a Tuesday (she liked a set schedule - another rapidly annoying habit), wanting to hang out. Then all of a sudden, she quit calling. So after a month of no word, I called, left a message. A couple of days later she called me back, we caught up, she said she'd call later in the week and we'd have dinner. She never did. At that point, I was feeling relieved not having to "be the bad guy". But her birthday arrived a few weeks later, and I felt obliged to drop off a present. (After all, I'd known her for 3 years, and began to hang out regularly for the last 2) We talked for about 2 minutes - both of us were on lunch breaks and didn't have time.

Not a word since. Not even a thank you for the gift. But again, I was relieved there was no weekly phone call and a feeling of obligation to hang out or be friends with this girl. A few months later, I shoot her an email. No response. So, I figured I made contact enough. Ball's in her court - if she wants to continue the friendship, fine, but as long I didn't really care for her company, I saw no need to attempt any more. That was about a year and a half ago and I have not seen or heard from her. I know I did nothing to hurt her, but if she felt I had hurt her in some way, I'd like to be told so I could make it right. Reconciliation is biblical and I have no fears of it. I would truly hate it if she felt I wronged her and I couldn't in some way make it right. But I can't do that if I don't know what hurt her. If anything even did. For all I know, she went through the same thought process as me and just decided she'd had enough.

If so, why the blatant ignoring? We were milling around the same area, so we crossed each other's paths 3 times. I just found it weird. Women are obsessive about their relationships, be it family, friends, guys, whatever. God made women relational creatures, it's part of our genetic make up. We can't get around it. But in this case? Why am I wasting my time? It's over, done with, I'm glad it's over and done with. Yet still I think "I wonder what I did to make her act this way?" I don't miss her, and when it became clear the friendship was ending, I did have to find new friends. Which was awesome, because now I have the most amazing group of people I hang out with and I couldn't ask for more.

I guess if I could choose, I'd rather be obsessive about scrapbooking instead of relationships. Minus the therapy bill, I would save thousands.

2 comments:

Jaked said...

You're totally right, you are obsessing waaaaay too much about it. A guy's approach (Being a guy I know some of this stuff from birth) is to give a curt "g'day" or "fuck you" depending on which is more appropriate. Then forget all about it. She blew you off, stuff her and be done.

Now, go out and get a motorbike. If there is one thing actually worth obsessing about it's a motorbike. Trust me. Besides that, the gender of your choice will find it very alluring, trust me on that too.

So ends my sermon on bikeranity.
St Jaked the oil stained.

stephanie said...

A motorbike, huh? I'm not much for being "oil stained" - I'm a little too girly for that, I suppose. An interesting suggestion nonetheless. There is something about a guy on a motorbike...