Friday, October 28, 2005

Answering the Call

What I'm listening to: Tait's Empty

My friend Shannon is in Budapest - she left last month to join the YWAM mission group there and I'm thrilled for her. She sent me these great pictures this week of her new apartment and roommate. She just had a birthday and as I looked through her photos of how she spent that day, her birthday, in a strange country with a person she barely knows, I was simply in awe of her.

Back in 1996, I dedicated my life to the ministry. At the time, I thought I knew what that would involve. When that didn't work, I accepted what God's plan was and that was for me to be here. Years later, I'm enjoying my simple life. My life filled with love and friends, music and bible study, graphic design and the guitar... just simple things. Lovely things I've settled into, an environment I love and that make my life the abundant life God has promised.

But am I settling?

Let me back up a bit.

Several months ago, I was feeling directionless in my role as worship leader at my church. So much so, I was wondering if it wasn't time for me to move on. And I almost missed it: God's purpose. I realized I was feeling directionless because my church was also. We were without a pastor for about a year and during that time, God revealed to me what was/had gone wrong within our church. Things I couldn't see before. Maybe I wasn't ready to see them. And it took being without a pastor for many of us in leadership positions to step up and make things change. So I've been taking an active role in making that collective vision happen. It's scary, but as my friend Lindsey said "You've answered the call." Sometimes the enormous responsibility I have weakens me, but I rest in him who is able to keep me from falling.

Shannon is halfway across the world, sharing the light of Christ. She has stepped out in faith and taken a path few would take. She left her family and friends here in Nebraska to follow God's call. And all I could think about is how lonely I would be if I was doing the same thing. There are many things I admire about Shannon's faith and her willingness to go where called. And while I know God has in no way called me to Budapest, I can't help but wonder if I could even do it if I was called.

These lovely things I surround myself with are just benefits from having a stable income and remaining in a place for 5 or so years now. I go through highs and lows in my walk with Christ, I get to see my family almost every week, I lead worship at a church I love, I have friends who I trust and who are there for me. Not thousands of miles away, but here. So I'm not let down, I'm not out of my element, I'm not lonely. I'm comfortable.

My life is abundant. I may have answered a call, but it seems so easy. It's almost like what I've been called to do is like breathing, an extension of myself. I guess I'm being brave, not like Shannon, but brave nonetheless.

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave

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