Saturday, November 22, 2014

notice



Say something I’m giving up on you.

Because I am. I tried to hang on. Short of showing up on your doorstep in tears, I gave you more than enough opportunities to notice. To notice what I was going through. To notice how much I need you.

Anywhere I would’ve followed you

Actually, no. I didn’t just give you opportunities to notice. I straight up said, “I need you.” This wasn’t just some expectation I had for you to “notice.”

I’m still learning to love.

I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. And neither of us has to be. It’s also a lovely reminder than we are both starting from the same place.

Say something I’m giving up on you.

It’s not my nature to give up. I’m a fighter. Always have been. When I know someone who wants to can be better and it matters, I fight to see them become better. I walk beside them, challenge them, love them through it.

But when they don’t notice either you or what you’re doing… Or notice you and what you are needed from them, it is time to stop the fight and walk away.

I’m sorry that I didn’t get to you.

Walking away, giving up, not getting to you… will you notice? Why do I hate myself for caring if you don’t?

I’m saying goodbye.




3 comments:

Susan Schiller said...

Heartfelt words, well expressed!

The search for a good closure in a relationship is something we can all relate to. Most of us aren't quitters - we stand far too long, in fact.

You are touching on a deep need we have, in so many of us. Good writing 0 thanks!

KC Bob said...

"I’m still learning to love."

The heart of the problem and the essence of the solution.

stephanie said...

Thank you, Susan!

Bob, if only I could figure it out. This experience is definitely teaching me more about what love looks like.