Monday, November 24, 2014

leave

I find myself checking my phone a lot lately.

My email. My phone log, my text messages. Every few minutes. Just in case I missed it.

I have a hard time leaving those I love. I even tend to hang on and stay long past the expiration date. It’s funny, though, but I generally don’t see myself as a hopeful person. But hope is the only thing that keeps me from leaving.

Hope is holding me captive.

This seems like this should be a good thing, no?

Not if it’s false hope. Then my heart will just continue to break and I will waste my time, energy and most of, my love… on this “hope.”

Walking away is hard. Because when someone has crawled into your heart (and in my case, they normally fight like hell to get there) it's very near impossible to let them go. There are very few people in my life who I consider close friends, and even fewer I count as those who get me. I don't have the emotional energy to spend on frivolous small talk, because I seek deeper connections because that is what makes sense to me. I am picky with whom I invest my time, because I prefer to reserve my time for those who reflect sincerity and authenticity...

and who are not afraid of mine.

Do you have any idea how rare that is to come by? And it takes me a long time to trust others, so if you've made it this far with me it's for a very intentional reason. 

That's why it's so hard for me to leave. Because I don't want to. 

But sometimes I have to.

*this post was inspired by an old Five Minute Friday prompt word that I never got around to writing about.

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