Peaks and Valleys

Sometimes it sucks being a girl.

I'm sad tonight, and I have no idea why. I feel as though at any moment I could burst into tears. Far as I can tell, there is absolutely no reason for it. So in my head, I shart checking off a list:

Is it because a good friend told me last night she's moving back to the east coast?
Is it because I'm frustrated with a situation at work?
Is it because my favorite sweater is almost too worn to wear?
Is it because I feel stuck in one place in my relationship with God?
Is it because I gave up soda?
Is it because I listened to Over the Rhine's Drunkard's Prayer album all day?
Is it because when I was sorting my groceries on the conveyor belt tonight I was reminded of a friend (who taught me to do that) whom I no longer talk to?
Is it because a job I was once passed over for is now available and I'm too afraid to try again?
Is it because I doubt that he is suffcient for me and that makes me feel guilty?

Is it because I've realize I simply don't know who God is at all?

Check. Check. Check.

After all the wondering, I still don't know. Tomorrow may be a peak. Today was a valley. Today was a day of loose ends and questions... a day I felt undone. But I guess the thing about being undone is that I have no choice but to be put back together.

Bless the days this restoration is complete
Dirty, dusty, something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it's never quite enough
I am starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
Guess its no suprise that I;m no michaelangelo
Every layer of mine
Hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
So I polish and shine till its easier to find
Even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
-Anyway (Nichole Nordeman)


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