Friday, March 31, 2006

Gin and Bitterness

What I'm listening to: Reindeer Section's You are My Joy .

Don't get the wrong idea by the title of this post - I'm not a Gin drinker. Actually, I'm not a drinker. But that's irrelevant for the sake of this post.

But I am bitter.

Stanley Richards can write about how the two go hand in hand until he's blue in the face for all I care. But the fact remains for me: I let myself get bitter.

Not in that "I'm so mad at the world I refuse to shower" way or the "Chasing pills with Tequila" way or even the "I hate all people, especially men" way. It's none of those, in all honesty. This bitterness, however, has taught me a valuable lesson. But I don't think I will share that lesson with you tonight.

The fact is, everywhere I turn I get a "message" or "hint" to confront a person I don't want to confront. It's not my place to confront this person, I say to myself. It wouldn't matter if I tried anyway, I think. It will make me feel stupid and vulnerable and weak, I admit.

But what does Jesus say about this? Matthew 5: 23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Doesn't seem fair, does it? Why should the one who's been wronged have to face more potential hurt and humiliation be required to take the first step? We've all had experiences where we were up-front and honest with someone who hurt us and they in turn shake their head in wonder and say things like "You really over-reacted" and "I had a right to say those things" and my personal favorite "I didn't do anything wrong." (I've heard that a few times too many).

But by me thinking (and feeling) this way, am I am completely and totally self-righteous? By proclaiming my hurt, am I in some way saying that I am better than they are, just because they hurt me?

I won't leave you out of my will
But I will leave you out of my mind
for now

I won't be there to break your sweet heart
But not being there might break your sweet heart
You are my joy

If I could cradle you into my arms
I would cradle you tight in my arms
always

So don't be scared of all the hurtful words
Cause in the end they'll hurt themselves much more
You are my joy.


Listen to You Are My Joy

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