Gin and Bitterness

-
What I'm listening to: Reindeer Section's You are My Joy .

Don't get the wrong idea by the title of this post - I'm not a Gin drinker. Actually, I'm not a drinker. But that's irrelevant for the sake of this post.

But I am bitter.

Stanley Richards can write about how the two go hand in hand until he's blue in the face for all I care. But the fact remains for me: I let myself get bitter.

Not in that "I'm so mad at the world I refuse to shower" way or the "Chasing pills with Tequila" way or even the "I hate all people, especially men" way. It's none of those, in all honesty. This bitterness, however, has taught me a valuable lesson. But I don't think I will share that lesson with you tonight.

The fact is, everywhere I turn I get a "message" or "hint" to confront a person I don't want to confront. It's not my place to confront this person, I say to myself. It wouldn't matter if I tried anyway, I think. It will make me feel stupid and vulnerable and weak, I admit.

But what does Jesus say about this? Matthew 5: 23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Doesn't seem fair, does it? Why should the one who's been wronged have to face more potential hurt and humiliation be required to take the first step? We've all had experiences where we were up-front and honest with someone who hurt us and they in turn shake their head in wonder and say things like "You really over-reacted" and "I had a right to say those things" and my personal favorite "I didn't do anything wrong." (I've heard that a few times too many).

But by me thinking (and feeling) this way, am I am completely and totally self-righteous? By proclaiming my hurt, am I in some way saying that I am better than they are, just because they hurt me?

I won't leave you out of my will
But I will leave you out of my mind
for now

I won't be there to break your sweet heart
But not being there might break your sweet heart
You are my joy

If I could cradle you into my arms
I would cradle you tight in my arms
always

So don't be scared of all the hurtful words
Cause in the end they'll hurt themselves much more
You are my joy.

Listen to You Are My Joy

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dichotomy of Country Music

-
Image
I spent Sunday afternoon in our family farm's shop, refinishing a dresser I found at a local antique store. I'm a farmer's daughter, yes, and certainly what some would call a "country girl". But most who know me are surprised when they find this out about me. Maybe it's because my vocabulary doesn't include double negatives, or maybe it's because I don't like country music. Who knows. I need to have music on when I refinish anything. It keeps me in the groove and passes the time a little faster. I realized I'd forgotten the ear buds to my ipod, so I was stuck with the shop radio, where I was only able to get one station to come in. Of course, it was a country music station. (After all, I do live in Nebraska, where throwing a rocks ensures you to hit a country music fan.) I can put up with said music for a time, so I left the dial where it was and kept it low in the background. Then my ears perked a little when this came on: I am weak and he is...
Read more

A Dilemma for Good Friday

-
In my effort to build a Good Friday service with the theme of "by his stripes we are healed", I have hit a dilemma. Here is my order of service: Video “Resurrection” Reading of Isaiah 53 Crimson (Vocal Solo) Reading: John 18: 1-18 #302 Lamb of God 1, 2 Reading John 18: 19-40 #323 Alas! And Did My Savior Bleed 1, 2, 3, 5 Reading: John 19: 1-16 Love Song (Vocal Solo) Reading John 19: 17-42 #324 When I Survey the Wondrous Cross 1, 3, 4 Video “A Better Way” Cross Painting/Communion Prayer All of the readings have music in the background, mostly stuff from "The Passion" to create a mood of sorrow and awe at the same time. Both vocal solos are focused on Jesus very intentionally, as are the videos. For communion, my idea is to have a small bucket of paint sitting at the foot of the cross. As we all come forward for communion, we will have the chance to paint a stripe on the cross, to remind us of the price Jesus paid, the "stripes" if you will. During that ti...
Read more

Promise

-
Image
Wednesday night on my way to church for my last praise team rehearsal, I accidentally took my usual route, forgetting that two weeks ago my usual exit was closed for construction. So instead of taking an alternate route I ended up having to drive about 4-5 miles out of my way. And as I turned the corner and drove down this strange road I realized why. I was overcome with emotion. ( That tends to happen when I'm driving. ) I had to pull over, pause, take a picture and let my heart be filled. I don't think I've ever been so scared and so worried about anything in my life as I am about moving to St. Louis, starting a new job and beginning my seminary education. I'm not having second thoughts; I'm not even worried that I might have made the wrong decision. I'm worried about how I will adjust, and how I will make a new and completely different life for myself. I will be desperate for my home, my friends, my family and the comfort my current life provides. I am worrie...
Read more