Skip to main content

Promise

Wednesday night on my way to church for my last praise team rehearsal, I accidentally took my usual route, forgetting that two weeks ago my usual exit was closed for construction. So instead of taking an alternate route I ended up having to drive about 4-5 miles out of my way. And as I turned the corner and drove down this strange road I realized why.



I was overcome with emotion. (That tends to happen when I'm driving.) I had to pull over, pause, take a picture and let my heart be filled. I don't think I've ever been so scared and so worried about anything in my life as I am about moving to St. Louis, starting a new job and beginning my seminary education. I'm not having second thoughts; I'm not even worried that I might have made the wrong decision. I'm worried about how I will adjust, and how I will make a new and completely different life for myself. I will be desperate for my home, my friends, my family and the comfort my current life provides. I am worried I will let that become too much for me.

So basically, I just think the next two years will be too hard for me handle.

But then this rainbow appeared. It appear in front of me and all five colors were breathtaking and they disappeared up into the clouds. Then God reminded me that this next step is what he made me for, and the joy of what is to come rushed over me.

"Nothing worth doing is ever easy", I wrote years ago in a goodbye letter. And for the last few weeks I'd forgotten that truth. I took the wrong way to praise team rehearsal because God wanted to remind me how much he loves me and how abundant his promises are. He will never leave me nor forsake me, though I've done that to him many times. His grace is enough to cover me...

And I will stand on that promise.

Comments

Friar Tuck said…
What school are you attending in St. Louis
Kansas Bob said…
I imagine Abraham had similar thinkings when he left Ur.. I admire you Stephanie and am standing with you believing that promise.

Blessings, Bob
stephanie said…
Covenant Theological Seminary.

Thanks Bob. That's means the world to me.
rubyslipperlady said…
When I moved to St Paul I had to pull over under an overpass as I pulled into the city so that I could roll up all the windows (I was driving the rental truck and towing my car). I started to cry at all the unknowns and then I looked up and saw a rainbow. God is amazing.

I'm so excited for you. I love St. Louis. I lived there one summer during college. Go to the MUNY, you will love it. And Ted Drewes and Fitz's or is it Fritz. Now that I think about it, that was a really long time ago. Still love it though.

You'll be stellar, Steph, I know it!
stephanie said…
Thanks Amy. :)
Friar Tuck said…
What are you studying at Covenant? MA or MDIV?
stephanie said…
MA in Educational Ministries

Popular posts from this blog

friendship and INFJs

INFJs don’t form a lot of close friendships in their lifetime… we are very selective. This isn’t about conceit, but really about knowing ourselves. We only have so much emotional energy we can give to another without great harm to our soul, so we make sure we give it to those we truly connect with, those we deem “worth it.” What I mean by “worth it” is those who come close to understanding us. Those who push us beyond our preconceived notions. Those who challenge us and make us think. Those who aren’t afraid of not understanding us, but are willing to go along with us for the ride. Those who try, need to know they will never fully plumb the depth of our complications (we don’t understand our own complications, so we certainly don’t expect others to understand them either.) Those to whom we give our emotional energy have penetrated our surface, which we keep pretty impenetrable. Because we want those who’ve worked for it, because honestly?We would do the same for them. The thing about …

on feeling marginalized

mar·gin·al·ize: treat (a person, group, or concept) as insignificant or peripheral.
Most of my life I’ve felt like a social pariah.  In high school, I was never pretty enough or athletic enough to be accepted. (I wish I’d known then the importance of music and that it would one day become a career for me, so that I would have felt less horrible about it. None of the popular kids in school use their athletic ability or good looks in their career, which makes me sound petty and small, but let’s face it, all us social pariahs think this way. … if we’re being honest.)
And I really thought the social pariah status would go away at some point in my life. But then this happened.  And two big emotions caught me as a result: in the moment, complete relief. As my post says, I actually felt a weight lift from my shoulders when I was told that there was a reason no one understood me and it wasn’t my entire fault. In the years since, though, I’ve also settled into a rather unsettling emotion: inse…

the "INFJ Door Slam"

One thing that INFJs tend to do is read a lot about their personality type. Because we are rare, that also means we are difficult to figure out. So reading to try and understand ourselves simply goes with the territory.  Today I was reading about the “INFJ Door Slam”. Here is part of what I read:

There’s this thing called the “INFJ Door Slam.”  People talk about it.  Other personality types trash it, but few people try to explain it in simple terms.  It’s different for everyone, no doubt, but in simple terms… The INFJ door slam is what happens when we are burned out by unresolved emotions, so we resolve the issue by deciding that the relationship is over. INFJs are deeply emotional creatures.  We don’t feel as much as it looks like we do (that’s mirroring, which is a whole other topic), but when we feel…we feel deeply and fully.  That means that we burn out.  If we are emotionally toyed with, abused, or overloaded, and there is no end to the emotional assault in sight, we have to do some…