Saturday, June 28, 2008

I've been a bad blogger...

I have 8... count 'em 8 posts started and haven't finished a single one. Too much going on and not enough time to write. That's frustrating! Bad blogger.

My friend Shannon convinced me to join facebook a while back and it seems like everyone and their dog is there now. A bunch of friends from college I'd lost touch with have found me right and left, which is good. And bad, in a way. Because it makes me all sentimental and weepy.

Anyway, I received a facebook message from a good friend from those college days. She was hurting, and I could tell. So I sent her a message and I got a reply tonight. In my reply, I wrote: "All the ups and down never seem to go away, do they? I thought once I become a real adult that things would be so easier to figure out."

I've experienced a lot of ups and down lately. Joy and fun with friends and family. Sad goodbyes that have started already, and I'm not even moving until the middle of August. But more than anything there's been questions. Questions wondering "Will I get this job or that job or night? Will I be able to handle seminary? Will I make friends in St. Louis? Will I miss my family so much that it will hurt? Will I...? Will I... Will I..."

I'm tired of living in the future. I'm tired of waiting for the next thing to start. I'm just ready to be. Here. Now.

I'm tired of all the "Will I's".

4 comments:

Kansas Bob said...

"Will I be able to handle seminary?"

..I think that the answer is yes!

Shane Vander Hart said...

I'm sure you'll handle seminary just fine. Are you going to Covenant Theological Seminary or Concordia?

stephanie said...

Thank you for having faith in me.

I'm going to Covenant.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I have faith in you too Steph! Its normal to have some concern/anxiety, its a big deal!!! But you'll do great.

I've ran into a lot of old friends on Facebook :)