I've been a bad blogger...

-
I have 8... count 'em 8 posts started and haven't finished a single one. Too much going on and not enough time to write. That's frustrating! Bad blogger.

My friend Shannon convinced me to join facebook a while back and it seems like everyone and their dog is there now. A bunch of friends from college I'd lost touch with have found me right and left, which is good. And bad, in a way. Because it makes me all sentimental and weepy.

Anyway, I received a facebook message from a good friend from those college days. She was hurting, and I could tell. So I sent her a message and I got a reply tonight. In my reply, I wrote: "All the ups and down never seem to go away, do they? I thought once I become a real adult that things would be so easier to figure out."

I've experienced a lot of ups and down lately. Joy and fun with friends and family. Sad goodbyes that have started already, and I'm not even moving until the middle of August. But more than anything there's been questions. Questions wondering "Will I get this job or that job or night? Will I be able to handle seminary? Will I make friends in St. Louis? Will I miss my family so much that it will hurt? Will I...? Will I... Will I..."

I'm tired of living in the future. I'm tired of waiting for the next thing to start. I'm just ready to be. Here. Now.

I'm tired of all the "Will I's".

Comments

kc bob said…
"Will I be able to handle seminary?"

..I think that the answer is yes!
1:45 PM
Anonymous said…
I'm sure you'll handle seminary just fine. Are you going to Covenant Theological Seminary or Concordia?
3:48 PM
stephanie said…
Thank you for having faith in me.

I'm going to Covenant.
6:18 PM
Bar L. said…
I have faith in you too Steph! Its normal to have some concern/anxiety, its a big deal!!! But you'll do great.

I've ran into a lot of old friends on Facebook :)
12:17 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dichotomy of Country Music

-
Image
I spent Sunday afternoon in our family farm's shop, refinishing a dresser I found at a local antique store. I'm a farmer's daughter, yes, and certainly what some would call a "country girl". But most who know me are surprised when they find this out about me. Maybe it's because my vocabulary doesn't include double negatives, or maybe it's because I don't like country music. Who knows. I need to have music on when I refinish anything. It keeps me in the groove and passes the time a little faster. I realized I'd forgotten the ear buds to my ipod, so I was stuck with the shop radio, where I was only able to get one station to come in. Of course, it was a country music station. (After all, I do live in Nebraska, where throwing a rocks ensures you to hit a country music fan.) I can put up with said music for a time, so I left the dial where it was and kept it low in the background. Then my ears perked a little when this came on: I am weak and he is
Read more

A Dilemma for Good Friday

-
In my effort to build a Good Friday service with the theme of "by his stripes we are healed", I have hit a dilemma. Here is my order of service: Video “Resurrection” Reading of Isaiah 53 Crimson (Vocal Solo) Reading: John 18: 1-18 #302 Lamb of God 1, 2 Reading John 18: 19-40 #323 Alas! And Did My Savior Bleed 1, 2, 3, 5 Reading: John 19: 1-16 Love Song (Vocal Solo) Reading John 19: 17-42 #324 When I Survey the Wondrous Cross 1, 3, 4 Video “A Better Way” Cross Painting/Communion Prayer All of the readings have music in the background, mostly stuff from "The Passion" to create a mood of sorrow and awe at the same time. Both vocal solos are focused on Jesus very intentionally, as are the videos. For communion, my idea is to have a small bucket of paint sitting at the foot of the cross. As we all come forward for communion, we will have the chance to paint a stripe on the cross, to remind us of the price Jesus paid, the "stripes" if you will. During that ti
Read more

Promise

-
Image
Wednesday night on my way to church for my last praise team rehearsal, I accidentally took my usual route, forgetting that two weeks ago my usual exit was closed for construction. So instead of taking an alternate route I ended up having to drive about 4-5 miles out of my way. And as I turned the corner and drove down this strange road I realized why. I was overcome with emotion. ( That tends to happen when I'm driving. ) I had to pull over, pause, take a picture and let my heart be filled. I don't think I've ever been so scared and so worried about anything in my life as I am about moving to St. Louis, starting a new job and beginning my seminary education. I'm not having second thoughts; I'm not even worried that I might have made the wrong decision. I'm worried about how I will adjust, and how I will make a new and completely different life for myself. I will be desperate for my home, my friends, my family and the comfort my current life provides. I am worrie
Read more