when

I live in a world of “when.”

When this happens, I will…

I remember when…

When is always looking forward and always looking back.

I’m not sure how happy I am with either at this point in my life.

It’s not like I’m one of those people who doesn’t want to look back with regret. Because I believe regret teaches us a great deal. And it’s not like I’m scared of the future (ok. I probably am.)

But I’m just so weary of when.

Thinking about “what if” or “what could been” is exhausting. I’m struggling, at this point in my life, to glean what is helpful and what isn’t from when. I guess because it keeps me from being present. It keeps me from being happy right now. It keeps me from seeing all the blessings and the gifts that are right in front and me because “when” simply makes me go “WAAAAAH. I want it that way instead.”

When I get my act together, surely I will be happy.

When I was younger, things seemed so much easier.

When I just…

It was so much better when…

Waaaaaah indeed.

“Patience is a hard discipline. It is not just waiting until something happens over which we have no control: the arrival of the bus, the end of the rain, the return of a friend, the resolution of a conflict. Patience is not a waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand.” -Henri Nouwen

This post is part of Five Minute Friday, when I write for 5 minutes without agonizing over every little thing I type. It's fun, sometimes. Other times it hurts. But it's always good for me.