I had a professor in college who once said, "Jesus will never ask us to do something he hasn't done himself."
The process of restoration that I began nearly a year ago is still with me, if only in small pieces. I can happily say that God restored my heart this last year. Maybe not completely, for I am not sure that could ever happen on this earth, but it is restored enough so the sin that broke it down is no longer controlling it, but allowing me to move on. My heart is the epitome of Galatians 6:1. I was restored gently.
A by-product of this process is that I often find myself focusing on me, me and then me again. I fear my own selfishness is simply compounded by my joy that I am set free from the junk that's kept me bound for so long. To focus on what's happened to me instead of who's happened to me places me in where I shouldn't be - at the center.
Who is Jesus? His character is one of huge mystery to me. There are so many things he said that I don't understand, that I'm dying to ask him about. He's also equally not a mystery. He lived a simple life as a carpenter's son, who above all else taught us it all comes down to loving God with all we have and loving others... as what? as much as we love ourselves.
There is nothing more lovely and simple than that. But sometimes, there isn't anything that feels more impossible.
I'm not a people person. I don't like dealing with other people. It bugs me. It annoys me. That makes me selfish, this I know. But I can't bring myself to care. I know I should, and sometimes I feel guilty for it. Sometimes I don't. Most of the time I justify why I feel that way instead of asking God to help me change that part of myself. Why don't I? I'm stubborn. I don't want to change. To do so is to bend to something, and I don't like to bend to anything.
But I know this isn't about what I want. It's about what God wants for me, and who God wants me to be. And I know that I can only get there through focusing on Christ, not me. By knowing the person and character of the son of God who died for my sins.
It's All About Me
Watch the video at the above link and you'll never see worship music the same.
What I'm listening to: Relevent's podcast from 11/10/06
What I'm reading: Nothing, actually. I'm in a very serious dry (reading) spell.