never been here before

I can smell it. Cool, fresh, tingly, wheaty. Fall is coming. Chasing after the warm sun on the horizon as each day is shoter and shorter as the year approaches a close. I smell the silage being cut, the ground staying moist, the pollen shedding, the impending harvest of corn. The blessing of rain in the last few weeks served to make my sense more aware. Fall is coming. As the earth dies I am not only reminded of the beauty thats found in death, but of the promise of life given in the spring. The brillent reds, yellows, oranges, browns explode across the landscape in my vision and once again I am reminded of God's creativity. Of his love for the land, for us. For what other reason would he want to show us those colors, that beauty? To remind us that with every death there can be new life. And we must find the beauty in both. When I'm cold and alone All I want is my freedom and a sudden gust of gravity I stop wailing and kickingJust to let this water cover me, cover me Only if I ...

Victor Wooten If you aren't in tears by the end of this video, be afraid... you might not have a soul. *sniffle*

I spent the evening with two co-workers tonight. We brought wine, talked and watched a stupid movie (I won't embarrass myself by saying what it was. I've already embarrassed myself enough today.) And for some reason, when I arrived home I started to think about selfishness. The wine we had wasn't very good. Shame. I had high hopes, but I'm such a wine-snob that at times it's hard to please me. Am I that way in the rest of my life? Probably. My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away. -Psalm 38:11 Am I so wounded that people stay away? Is it selfish of me to ask them to stay? Whenever I asked myself these questions, I try to ask myself if I had a friend who acted like I do, would I stay? Fight or flight? Would it be worth it? (That alone is a selfish question.) It is hard to please me. And the selfishness in me simply asks, "So? Why is that so bad?" I hold myself to a high standard, why is it so bad to do the same f...

I'm slightly amused that I actually get this pop culture reference. It makes me feel really, really old. If memory serves this line is from a TV show that takes me back to my high school days and the episode somehow involved brightly-colored spandex body suits. Tiffany Amber-Theisen, eat your heart out. I bet none of your lines ended up on a T-Shirt I just paid $22 for. This is just all kinds of embarrassing.

In an effort to curb sexual temptation among the staff at Saddleback and other churches, Rick Warren established 15 rules for Saddleback staff standards in order to maintain moral integrity: - Thou shalt not go to lunch alone with the opposite sex.* - Thou shalt not have the opposite sex pick you up or drive you places when it is just the two of you.* - Thou shalt not kiss any attender of the opposite sex or show affection that could be questioned.* - Thou shalt not visit the opposite sex alone at home. - Thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex alone at the office, and thou shalt not counsel the opposite sex more than once without that person’s mate. Refer them. - Thou shalt not discuss detailed sexual problems with the opposite sex in counseling. Refer them. - Thou shalt not discuss your marriage problems with an attender of the opposite sex. - Thou shalt be careful in answering emails, instant messages, chatrooms, cards, or letters from the opposite sex. - Thou shalt make your secret...

Dan "Southpaw" Smith's parody of "Baby Got Back". This made my day. So funny. www.whiteboydj.com

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. (Eleanor Roosevelt) I'm not courageous. Not that I'd ever considered myself such. I hadn't. I hadn't thought much at all about what the definition of that word really means. And day after day I see courage in people. In my family, friends, on TV shows with contrived plot points, on reality shows - it's all around me. And I realized today that I don't have it. I can be brave with God, but I'm sure of him. But He is the one constant, so that isn't really brave, is it? I've never had to be brave. I've always had a safety net - a family to support whatever decision I made, failure or success, and even more than that, to pick me up when I fall. So that begs the question: will I have the courage to step out when no one is there? I have no idea. To dare is to lose one's footing momenta...

1. One book that changed your life: Most recently, Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge 2. One book you’ve read more than once: Piercing the Darkness by Frank Peretti 3. One book you’d want on a desert island: (note: not the ONLY book) How to Survive on a Desert Island Without Really Trying 4. One book that made you laugh: Can You Keep A Secret? by Sophia Kinsella. One of the funniest books I've ever read. 5. One book that made you cry: Abba's Child by Brennan Manning 6. One book that you wish had been written: I think every topic has pretty much been covered ad nauseam, don't you? 7. One book that you wish had never been written: Conversations with God 8. One book you’re currently reading: Hunger for God by John Piper 9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Everyone says it's great, I know a few who hate it. I just haven't gotten around to it.

"You can't chase a runner." My pastor and I were talking last night after rehearsal and that came out of his mouth. I'm still thinking about 24 hours later. It's the first time I"ve heard it worded quite that succinctly. And a concept so complicated? Maybe shouldn't be worded so simply. Am I a runner? Most women will admit that in the romance area, they want to be chased. But I'm not talking about the romance area. I'm talking about running from things that scare you. Running from things that hurt. Running from what might hurt. Is it really easier? Doesn't seem like it. With no running comes no brooding, no angst, no "what if" no "maybe someday". But staying, dealing and moving on sounds so... healthy. Sometimes I wonder if fear is a way of telling us we aren't ready. Don't we all, at some point or another, want to be chased... to know that we are wanted and sought after? Does wanting that make it okay? Or is it ju...

I need to know why things are the way they are between us. This awkwardness. This indifference. This avoidance. This pretending nothing happened. Making sure none of our friends know the awfulness that lies between us, unspoken but all said in looks across the room that only we understand. Maybe if I knew the reason I freeze when you are around, maybe if I understood why the very sight of you freaks me out, maybe if I knew why I pretended too, maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe if I understood why we fell apart in the first place I could understand why I feel the way the I do when you are near. If I could take it all back, would I? The experience of being with you, with knowing you, with understanding you. With getting you. And you getting me. You know how long it's been since I met someone who gets me like you did? Would I take it back if given the option? My God, I think I would. Because if you were never there, if I didn't know the sight of breath mints freaks you out, if I didn...

I went to see The Devil Wears Prada a couple of weeks ago. (loved the movie, the book was better) and one of the trailers before it was for for the upcoming movie World Trade Center . The tagline: The World Saw Evil That Day - Two Men Saw Something Else I admit it. I couldn't get through the trailer without crying. In fact, I began almost immediately once I realized what the movie was about. The first thing that flew out of my mouth to my friend next to me was "I think it's too soon." Between her sniffles I heard, "Me, too." It was five years ago and what was it about that day that still brings up a geyser of emotions? The fact that we are still fighting this battle and havn't won? That fact that we have to fight at all? I can wax myself patriotic all I want but the fact is I am pissed off that America made a mess out of another mess. But that's a post for another time. I'm excited to see Michael Pena on screen again. I love him in Crash and I...

Now I know why no one understands me. INTJ . It can't be good when you are lumped into a group of people that includes Arnold Schwarzenegger and Hannibal Lector, can it? (C.S. Lewis is also on the list which makes me feel better. I guess that explains why I've always feel like he was a kindred spirit.) Here's another interesting assessment about INTJs. Dominant Introverted Intuition By Danielle Poirier www.RebelEagle.com © copyright Rebel Eagle Production Without introverted intuitives, it is said that Israel would have had no prophets. Under deceptively conventional appearances lie perceptive minds that travel the breadth and depth of universal mysteries, contemplating its multilayered complexity, seeking the trends that will define the future. With time, clarity of vision comes. When it comes, they are propelled towards the vision and all their actions lead to it. They are perseverant behind a quiet exterior an...