new

-

I have been spending some time in the book of Exodus lately, learning about how the Israelites acted when they were living in slavery.

Discouragement is the one word that kept standing out to me this week.

Then I remembered a conversation I had with a friend about 4 years ago, when he had just moved to a new state, had a new job and started his life over. He was recalling our time together in the town we’ve both moved on from and he called it, “my time in the desert”

Maybe that’s my time here, right now. While I am actually in the desert, so the irony is not lost, I am wandering. I am lost. I am trying so hard to trust God when I just don’t feel him in this. Or maybe it’s that I feel so much of him and I don’t know which “feel” to listen to right now.

Wandering the desert makes me feel dry, dusty, gross and dirty.

When all I want is to be made new.

One of my favorite verses in running through my head right now (I need to write a song about it.) “He makes all things new” and I long for a time to be refreshed and not discouraged by it all. I long for a time when I can see God working in my life and it isn’t so damn hard.


I know that being made new doesn’t really happen – our wounds and scars remain long after they are healed. I’m ok with that. But being new is also about moving on and all I feel right now is stuck. Stuck in the dirt. Stuck in the mess. And right now, stuck with used tissues covering my desk as I think about discouragement.

Comments

Unknown said…
I so appreciate your honesty. I, too, have felt stuck in different places of my journey. And you put words to the ache and frustration so perfectly here. Great post, friend! Keep writing!
6:59 PM
Anonymous said…
This SOOOO resonates with me. Those desert years that I thought I would never live through...those years I thought the vultures would get me...those years that worked so much out of me.

The thought that comes to me as I read your post, "Those Israelites were disappointed because they didn't know who they were...they didn't know WHOSE they were." My time in the desert was all about finding out both who I am and WHOSE I am. Still figuring those things out...

Praying today for you to have your "Streams in the Desert" time...the refreshing that comes during those times of being stuck. And also, praying for inspiration to write that SONG!!! :) Hugs.
7:14 AM
kc bob said…
I can relate to wandering in the desert.
11:11 AM
stephanie said…
love you all so much
1:06 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dichotomy of Country Music

-
Image
I spent Sunday afternoon in our family farm's shop, refinishing a dresser I found at a local antique store. I'm a farmer's daughter, yes, and certainly what some would call a "country girl". But most who know me are surprised when they find this out about me. Maybe it's because my vocabulary doesn't include double negatives, or maybe it's because I don't like country music. Who knows. I need to have music on when I refinish anything. It keeps me in the groove and passes the time a little faster. I realized I'd forgotten the ear buds to my ipod, so I was stuck with the shop radio, where I was only able to get one station to come in. Of course, it was a country music station. (After all, I do live in Nebraska, where throwing a rocks ensures you to hit a country music fan.) I can put up with said music for a time, so I left the dial where it was and kept it low in the background. Then my ears perked a little when this came on: I am weak and he is
Read more

for what is small is not at all

-
Image
It was such a small thing. But it didn’t feel small. And then I realized… that was sort of the point. Lots of us have our online “community” of friends. People we interact with on facebook, twitter, etc, that we have not met in real life. We might someday, but for now, we’ve connected online likely because of similar interests or perhaps political views. Either way, it’s a community. It’s different from those in real life, of course, but it still feels faithful to call it a community. A new and large part of my online community comes from one thing we all have in common: the subscription to a magazine called Christ and Pop Culture . Part of subscribing is a membership to a private Facebook group where we interact on all things Jesus and pop culture related. From there, friendships are “formed” and twitter followings have begun. This is a story from that community. I suppose it started when Matt Poppe and I followed each other on Twitter. I have no clue who foll
Read more