detachment, part 1 [living life without expectations]

-

I was standing in the kitchen across from her. She was sitting up on the counter and telling me about her latest group session class. The topic was detachment, and as I listening to her explain who it manifested itself in adult relationships, there was a small flutter in my stomach.

That sounds like me.

She didn’t disagree.

Well… she didn’t say anything, like any good counselor in training would do, even though she wasn’t my seminary counselor. She was my roommate.

I felt the burden settle ever so slightly on my shoulders and went about cooking dinner.

We’re all closed off emotionally, to a point. I understand and believe that. We use it as a defense mechanism after being hurt. We believe it will prevent future pain, which leads us to believe our life will be better overall. We hold people at arm’s length, not trusting them until we are sure… but even then, maybe not fully trusting. This is understandable, but is it wise?

These words are echoing in my mind, you cannot selectively numb emotion. You cannot attempt to numb the bad emotions without that affecting the good ones, too. Is it possible that if we hold people at arm’s length we will ever let our arms down fully? Will at least part of our arms (or maybe hands) always cover our heart?

And if so, are we not living in a relationship that has some measure of detachment? As I felt that burden settle on my shoulders that day, I knew this moment, this realization, would be with me forever. I was emotionally detached.

Disappointment and heartache are experienced when we live our lives with expectations, because we will be let down. So logic dictates that if we stop expecting, there will be no more disappointment and heartache. Sounds ideal.  However, the more I think about expectations, the more I am convinced that they are more than just a noun. They are an emotion. And if they are an emotion, and you try to numb all the bad emotions, expectations will get numbed, too.

You’d be hard pressed to convince me this is a healthy way to live, to make me think this isn’t emotional detachment.

Being emotionally detached is a big risk, whether it seems so or not. It’s risking a full life, one without meaning. One without real love.

 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – 1 John 4: 17-18


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Dichotomy of Country Music

-
Image
I spent Sunday afternoon in our family farm's shop, refinishing a dresser I found at a local antique store. I'm a farmer's daughter, yes, and certainly what some would call a "country girl". But most who know me are surprised when they find this out about me. Maybe it's because my vocabulary doesn't include double negatives, or maybe it's because I don't like country music. Who knows. I need to have music on when I refinish anything. It keeps me in the groove and passes the time a little faster. I realized I'd forgotten the ear buds to my ipod, so I was stuck with the shop radio, where I was only able to get one station to come in. Of course, it was a country music station. (After all, I do live in Nebraska, where throwing a rocks ensures you to hit a country music fan.) I can put up with said music for a time, so I left the dial where it was and kept it low in the background. Then my ears perked a little when this came on: I am weak and he is
Read more

for what is small is not at all

-
Image
It was such a small thing. But it didn’t feel small. And then I realized… that was sort of the point. Lots of us have our online “community” of friends. People we interact with on facebook, twitter, etc, that we have not met in real life. We might someday, but for now, we’ve connected online likely because of similar interests or perhaps political views. Either way, it’s a community. It’s different from those in real life, of course, but it still feels faithful to call it a community. A new and large part of my online community comes from one thing we all have in common: the subscription to a magazine called Christ and Pop Culture . Part of subscribing is a membership to a private Facebook group where we interact on all things Jesus and pop culture related. From there, friendships are “formed” and twitter followings have begun. This is a story from that community. I suppose it started when Matt Poppe and I followed each other on Twitter. I have no clue who foll
Read more