Thursday, November 26, 2009

Breathe In Breathe Out

I walked outside this morning, bundled up in a couple of sweatshirts, my coat, a scarf and my slippers. It was 6am and I sat on the porch swing hanging *under* our porch. I started to swing. I watched a few lone cars traveling west on 1-64, I saw the sun come up in the reflection on the chapel windows. I took a breath...

and then I smelled it. Winter.

This is my first Thanksgiving without my family. I realize this is something I need to prepare myself for, because it's likely the Lord will take me far, far away from them after I finish my degree. But sitting on that swing this morning, shivering under all my layers, trying hard to forget that I live in a city... I didn't want to be here. This is the first time I can honestly say that being in St. Louis wasn't what I wanted for the moment. Being away from what I know and where I am most comfortable is not where I wanted to be.

The smell of winter has its own life. It's crisp, cold, clean. For me, it's always held a promise it in. The promise of God making a dying land beautiful again, a promise of warm sweaters and hot chocolate, the promise of special time with friends, drinking wine and making Christmas cookies.

I need to remind myself to breathe.

Because there is promise in that breath.

I know this probably doesn't make sense to anyone. I think I just needed to write this for me.

4 comments:

Friar Tuck said...

Thanks. Well said.

stephanie said...

:). Hope you had a good holiday.

Kansas Bob said...

Made a lot of sense to me Stephanie. I have been reading here for a few years and I want to encourage you by saying that I have seen real depth developing in your life and faith. I appreciate the way that you write with such an honest voice.

I hope this is a great advent season for you.. that "special time with friends, drinking wine and making Christmas cookies" sounds magnificent!

stephanie said...

KB, thank you so much. from you, that's wonderfully high praise. i appreciate you more than you know.