Friday, October 10, 2008

A Path Laid Out Before Me

One of the best things about Covenant Theological Seminary is the Spiritual Ministry Formation class. It is here where students in the MDiv and MAEM programs are subjected to personality test after personality test, then a serious amount of personal reflection in order to figure out and understand how God made you.

Wednesday was the culmination of a 10-page paper with the results of all those tests and self-reflection in a 1-hour meeting with the professor. He meets with each student in his class for 1 hour to go over the paper and to give you ideas for your future ministry and resources as you develop your gifts.

Here are some interesting results about my testing:

My highest scoring spiritual gifts are teaching, shepherding and wisdom. I did not expect that.

My Meyers-Briggs is INTJ, but I am only one point into the T. (Introverted-Intuitive-Thinker-Judge.) Being only one point into the Thinker side means I have just as much Feeling in me than I do a Thinker. I poured over and over both personality types, and almost all of the descriptions fit with how I work.

My DEAA Personality Test is an Analytical (Score: 24)/Amiable (Score: 23) mixed with much less Expressive (Score: 18) and Driver (Score: 16). After reading these scores my professor said, "You are remarkable consistent in your testing." Analytical has a lot of the same characteristics as a Thinker, just as an Amiable has many of the same characteristics as a Feeler and an Intuitive

Some of the interesting things that came of out my professor's mouth as he met with me today:

"Your personality type is only 1% of the population. You are the rarest of types."

"You are a classic educator type."

"Everything I'm reading here says you need to considering doing to MA in Counseling in addition to your MA in Educational Ministries."

"No one understands you and they never will. This is a burden you will live with the rest of your life."

Dr. Douglass read through my analysis of the Meyers-Briggs test, where I went through my results to make sure that I tested properly. Then he had us apply my personality type to how I behave in everyday life. He actually had to stop, shake his head and say to me, "You are wonderfully mysterious. And absolutely fascinating case."

Dr. Douglass is an INFJ, so he had an insight to how I've felt all my life - that no one understood me and that somehow that was my fault. He urged me to be confident in my gifting, that it wasn't my fault that I was misunderstood, and that it's important for me to stand my ground when others are against me, because my intuition is right most of the time.

I have never in my life felt such a relief. I have always felt like a freak, and even beyond that, a freak that was to blame for everything. And it just feels good to know that it isn't all my fault; that I was, in fact, wired this way and that it didn't grow out of awful, sinful choices I have made. I knew that the way people treat me felt unfair, but I didn't know why. Dr. Douglass assured me that it's because the people I come into contact with have never known anyone like me and they just didn't know what to do.

*Sigh*

Even more than all of that, though, was the incredible feeling of knowing that I had heard my call properly, that I was in the right program in the right place, and doing the right internship. (And that I was spending all this money for the right reason.)

So in essence, God made me who I am and who I am fits the call I've been given. And it was all intentional.

Do you hear that *boom*? It's my mind. Blowing.

2 comments:

Friar Tuck said...

This is very neat. Of course for NTs like us, we find this fascinating.

rubyslipperlady said...

This is so awesome! Praise God! IT is truly amazing when we see a glimpse of how we put us all together.