I'm a tad obsessive.
My sleep patterns are all out of whack due to sickness, vacation, and this stupid time change. So I'm still awake, and working on the Good Friday video I posted on Wednesday. I had already put hours of work into it (due to a slow computer and the evil mignon that is Windows Movie Maker) but I just didn't think it was ready yet. But now it is. I did this video because I am passionate about music and how visual arts can help us sort through our own emotions and our own junk. It was exhausting watching the whipping, Jesus carrying the cross through the streets, the crucifixion... Over and over I cut snippet after snippet, timing it just right. My eyes are red from the repeated tears from watching what Jesus went through.
I'm singing in the Messiah this weekend at the performing arts center. And I was telling my friend Steph (the very steph!! who often posts comments here) on the phone tonight about how wonderful the music is, how stunningly crafted and how great it is to sing with such an amazing group of vocalists. On Sunday at rehearsal I couldn't sing at full voice yet so it gave me the chance to pay more attention to the crafting of the music in harmony with the notes written. And at one point I was moved to tears.
I had to get the video just right, my slight OCD just wouldn't have it any other way. In the midst of all this Easter preparation, I find myself immersed in the events of palm Sunday, holy week, the last supper and the day of crucifixion. It will be like this until Easter morning I will rejoice with my church, leading songs such as "In Christ Alone" "Mighty to Save" and "There is Power in the Blood". And all these tears will be wiped away.
This is the heart of an artist, a heart I've posted about before. I feel things far too deeply, I cry far too often, I see things in a different way, and I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way. "To engage wholly or deeply" is the way I approach many things in my life. I get immersed and hopefully come out the other end a person more like Christ.
The beating and abuse Jesus took on is often referred to as "The Passion". Passion is powerful, oftentimes unstoppable, and Jesus' passion was a suffering greater than anyone else has ever endured. He did it because he loves us all. He took my sin and your sin and paid the price so we wouldn't have to. He immersed himself wholly and deeply in this world, and showed me how to live my life.
And he saved me. There's something pretty passionate about that.