Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Perfect Storm

Times of testing seem to come without warning, don't they?

Not that knowing ahead of time would make it easier, but sometimes a little heads up would be nice. To steel myself against the dark valley of despair, the brace my soul for the jarring potholes ahead, the put my mind defenses up to keep the distractions of life far away.

It's been two years since I was tested like this. Two years since the tears I expressed so wracked my body I could no longer sit upright. Two years since God had my full-blown attention so much so I don't even remember what I did at work today. Two years since every sense was heightened, every word had meaning, every piece of art touched me deep, every song written was just for this moment.

The simple fact that God never changes but the rest of the world does at a lightning pace makes me long for a rebirth. Bathed in the tears of my own sin and sorrow, I promise to be nearer, closer to the one I am meant to be. May I also promise to accept my serious limitations and understand I can only do my best to overcome them. My rebirth, through the cleansing of my heart, is the only peace I can aspire to for now.

This storm is meant only for me. I know that now. At first I thought it would be for - well, I don't want to get into that. But this storm, where the wind blows in the opposite direction of where I've already been, with my tears hitting my face just as the rain would, maybe, just maybe, this storm might let me walk on water.

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