never been here before

“You complete me” is the line that lost me in the movie  Jerry McGuire . It’s just such a ridiculous concept. Having this expectation of another person is CRAZY. I mean it. Downright crazy. But it sounds so romantic . This whole idea that getting married will take away so much of your hurt and your brokenness and make you satisfied and whole… But we live in a broken world! With broken people! That’s just not going to happen... Why don’t we get this?!? Don writes in chapter 15 about the significance of knowing who you are and letting the other person be themselves. “…and the sleepless nights I’ve spent wondering what they were thinking or how much they liked me or whether I was a good enough man for them. A complete waste of time.” (pg. 207)  Thinking back to chapter 14, it’s no wonder relationships don’t work out for people who are so worried what the other was thinking about them or whether they were good enough. That’s not about building something together. It’s about

Chapter 14 is called Do Men Do Intimacy Differently? This is the longest chapter in the book, and the one all the women will run to in attempt to understand the men in their lives. Will it accomplish that? I’m not sure. The first sentence is one that struck fear in my heart: “Men move towards what makes them feel competent.” (pg. 187) Don thinks this is likely why men run from intimacy – because they don’t feel competent in intimate relationships. This struck fear in my heart because my immediate thought was, “I already have a lot of expectations on me, now I have to make sure men feel competent around me, too? Sheesh. Am I their mother?” But men aren’t bad at intimacy, he claims. He’ll talk about his feelings because that’s how his wife connects with him. But it is not something that comes naturally to Don, and most men. So men are led to believe they are bad at intimacy. This is closely tied to feelings of masculinity, because as men are drawn towards what makes them

This pretty much sums up the last couple of weeks for me. It's the "reaching out and trying" part that hits me pretty hard right now. Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing It takes some time to see things through Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting We need grace either way Hold on to me I'll hold on to you Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying It's a vulnerable place to be Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby Only one makes you free Hold on to me I'll hold on to you Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through If we go looking for offense We're going to find it If we go looking for real love We're going to find it