never been here before

I grew up on a farm. That doesn't mean much in my life now, for I’ve always been a city kind of girl. My mom made sure there was more than just farm culture in my life growing up and I have fond memories of trips to see the Nutcracker, Broadway shows, museums and all others kinds of things that she believed would make me a more well-rounded person. I was still the girl who had to get up at 6am in the summer and help her brother irrigate. The girl who rode on the back of pickup truck and shucked sweet corn after a morning in the field, picking it by hand. I was still the girl who mowed an acre and half of lawn on the homestead, rode horses when she could, and had a chore list. I was also the girl that got lost in the music of Miss Saigon and Les Miserablés , lived my life with rich imagination (okay, it was more like my version of a pop music video but… whatever) and wanted to know more about Van Gogh, devoured The Catcher in the Rye and was often brought to tears by...

I've been refreshing my mind on adaptive leadership of late, as some significant changes are happening in my job. Three themes are on my heart today, and when something is on my heart I will loos sleep until I write about it. Influence ___ I've been placed in a position of great influence, pretty much by accident (on my part.) But I am aware of the power I now hold and have been prayerfully processing how best to use this in grace, challenge and love. Influence must never been abused, and must always be used selflessly and with wise discretion. There is another term for this kind of influence - most of the terms are nouns. Some call it a "power-broker" (I first heard this when I read the book "Transitioning" by Dan Southland). PBS went so far as to call it "The Merchants of Cool" in one of their best episodes. Some simply may call them influencers or leaders. I call it terrifying. I've spent a fair amount of time in the last six week...

Week 3 into "Sacramental Baking" course I'm taking online and finding this week particularly tough... and it's only day 2 1/2 since we've received our assignment. Week 1 was particularly sweet, because it was the epitome of everything I wanted to get out of the course - take me out of my comfort zone (baking bread) and quiet myself (pray while kneading and practicing examen prayer). My time of kneading and praying was so sweet. It's something I want to do every day, except that I would have so much bread I wouldn't know what to do with it all. This week, even though I'm an introvert, I know is going to be difficult for me. We are to practice silence. I'm okay with learning how to quiet myself, as long as I am doing things that come pretty easy to me. I'm such a hypocrite. Really. My parents and my brothers are here in Arizona, staying in my house, until Thursday. My dad and my brother are very extroverted, needing to be around peop...

In many ways, I am happily leaving 2012 behind. In other ways, I’m scared for what this means for 2013. My first two years in vocational full-time ministry have been painful. They’ve been a struggle. But I have never loved Jesus more in my life. So it’s impossible to say that I, in some way, have screwed this up. But I sense some pretty big changes ahead. I’m not sure if they will be for me personally or if they will be for this church I serve, but big changes I know will come. As a creature of comfort, change is a scarry thing. As an introvert, there are plenty more things that scare me. This is why my word for 2013 is what it is. Let me back up - I’ve been inspired this year to have a word. A word that challenges me, a word that is a prayer, a word that I intentionally allow to play out in my life in 2013. I’ve seen a few other female bloggers do it and I like the idea. For me, I see it like the umbrella I no longer get to hold (I live in the desert now, for heaven’s sak...

I had the privilege of reading Zach Eswine's book, Sensing Jesus , through Net Galley, this winter. What a privilege it was. Not only does Eswine help you understand the emotions behind what it means to be a ministry leader and a follower of Jesus, but he builds a solid foundational base on scripture by which to stand as one. The author talks you through all the feelings of being broken and beaten-down in ministry and reminds you that Jesus is where you hope lies. I felt like, as I got further and further into the book, that I was getting to know Zach as a friend and brother in Christ. His writing style is personal, poetic, and reads much like a memoir (my favorite genre of books). I truly felt that not only was I not alone in experiencing what I had in ministry (the ups and downs) but also felt as if I had a true friend in the author. A book that gives me a sense of who the author truly is, rather than how they want me to see them, i...

Do we really need one more voice out there about this? Probably not, but I’m going to say it anyway. Because one thing I will not stand for is when the people of America make a three-dimensional issue a one-dimension issue. This is not about guns... primarily. This is not about values... primarily. You cannot say today’s culture is void of values and that’s why a massacre happened. People were killing each other long before the culture was where it's at now. You cannot blame the use of guns on it either. Adam Lanza didn’t have a gun. He stole the guns he used in this massacre. A criminal will find a way. I don’t believe we should make it easier, but by remove the right to bear arms from our constitution is a one-dimensional way of solving the problem.We have to take a long and serious look at our gun control laws. We have to. But that's not the end of the story. Because if we were to take away the right to bear arms in this country, it would not...

It’s hard not to seek answers during a time like this in our country. It’s hard not to keep your eyes glued to the TV as the news coverage uncovers all the details of a national tragedy. It’s also hard to simply let yourself heal. My therapist in seminary told me I move on too fast. I hadn’t thought about that before, but I realized she was true, especially once I had the experience of grieving through a loss before then seeking answers. I thought seeking answers would help me heal. It didn’t. Moving on is the natural instinct in a situation like this, because we just want to the pain to be over. But by not feeling the pain, we are stunting our emotional health and most importantly, our hearts become hard. The news is making me very angry tonight. Investigative reporters are pushing, pushing, pushing to blame, blame, blame. Blaming the mother, blaming the school’s lack of security. They are even analyzing the statements made by parents of those who lost children and askin...