I've not been one for looking back over the year on New Year's Eve. I don't know why.
This year, it seemed that's all anyone was doing. Twitter and FB posts, my google reader... everywhere I look online I see people in reflection. I don't believe in coincidences, so I started my own reflection. I realized it’s something I haven’t done much of this year at all. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for reminding me of this critical and important aspect of life.
2011, in so many ways, was extra hard.
The milestones:
-It was the first time I’ve lived more than a day’s drive from family.
-It marked my first year of full-time vocational ministry.
-It marked my first time preaching.
-It marked my first time hiring someone (a youth director).
-It marked my first full year as a home-owner.
-It marked the first time I finished an adult Sunday School curriculum and was taught by someone other than me. (17 weeks long. Wow.) Then I did another one for 6 weeks that someone else taught. I loved this so much.
It marked my first jr. high lock-in. (I’ve done high school) and what a joy it was. But I was really tired. Might need to add it to the Murtaugh list. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murtaugh_(How_I_Met_Your_Mother))
The sadness:
-The death of Christopher, a very important person in my life. http://stephanienels.posterous.com/2011/01/2010-moment.html
-It marked the passing of 10A in the PC(USA) which I believe will tear the denomination apart. This saddens me.
-It marked the significant mourning, on my part, of living so far away not just from family but from those friends nearest and dearest to me. It really marked the year of some serious, bad-ass homesickness.
-It marked the death of a classmate, which forced a significant reflection on my high school experience. http://stephanienels.posterous.com/memory-lane.
-The firing of two volunteers at the church. Worst thing I’ve ever had to do. But I know it was the right thing to do both times.
-It marked the year of my realizing something really big about my life: I need people in my life who don’t just need something from me. I need people in my life that care for me, too. I’ve lived a long time without the latter. Ministry just sapped everything out of me so I could no longer function without someone giving back to me.
What I’ve learned about me:
-I don’t spend nearly enough time in prayer, and I’ve noticed that why I do spend a large chunk of my morning on it, I get so much accomplished during the day.
-I lean to the negative in my leadership style. This is not good. 2012 will be spent combatting that, with my attitude constantly in check
-I am really, really sensitive. I mean, really. I always knew I was. This was the year my sensitivity exploded in a thousand directions and hit me and everyone in face a number of times.
-I am so much better at not passing the buck than I used to be. Yay me.
-I realized that in the midst of all this really hard ministry stuff, that we make sacrifices in following God’s call in our lives. I don’t want this to come across as arrogant, but as a simple matter-of-fact statement. I had to live my life this way this year. It was hard. I won’t sugar coat that.
All in all, I’m very glad 2011 is over. But it was not without its beauty in the mess. That is, after all, how God works.
2 comments:
Looking at those milestones I have to tell you of how proud I am of you Stephanie. I have watched your journey start in Nebraska, flow through St Louis and arrive where you are today. Well done sister. You have traveled well!
Thank you so much. For someone like you to say that you are proud of me means a great deal. I appreciate and respect everything about you as a man of God, a loving husband and a true friend.
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